How to Be Treated Right: Create Only Those Relationships
If you really want people to treat you right, if you want to end the abuse in your relationships and the disappointments in your friendships, and if you are hungry for the peace, happiness and joy of happy relationships much more than the drama of hurt and ache (some people prefer the latter, beats me!), then I wrote this piece for you, darling.
No matter what your situation, and how long it’s been going on, you can turn things around.
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You can change the way people treat you both in your personal relationships and professional ones.
You can handpick the people in your relationships, and choose exactly who you surround yourself with, no more and no less.
You can lessen end your suffering, all of it, be it verbal abuse, emotional abuse or physical abuse.
You are not weak, even if you weigh 80 pounds, have never stood up for yourself and have been afraid all your life. You are NOT weak.
You have the power inside of you to change things, even if you have never used. Today is a great day to change that about yourself.
7 Relationship Steps to Get People to Treat You Right
And yes, you are worthy of being treated with kindness, respect, and love, there is no question about that, but if you want to make it happen, you need to do a few things to get there. This is your 7 step-by-step process:
#1: Change the way you talk to yourself.
Your thoughts are your hidden weapon. You can choose to hurt yourself withstressful thoughts or to heal yourself with positive ones. Let’s start healing by changing the inner dialogue first.
- Lie: “He doesn’t treat me right.” – Truth: I don’t treat me right.
- Lie: “She makes me angry.” – Truth:I allow my anger to arise when I am with her.
- Lie: “He hurts my feelings.” – Truth: I choose to be hurt by what he says or does.
- Lie: “She makes me feel guilty.” – Truth: I am totally fine carrying this guilt from her words.
- Lie: “He doesn’t care about me.” -Truth: I say and insist ‘he doesn’t care about me’ even though I could never be sure.
How you change in the inner dialogue and what exactly you say doesn’t matter so much as you realize you are the one holding the cards here, baby. You, yourself and nobody else. So look in the mirror, turn the words around, and start here.
#2: Believe that you are worthy of the way you want to be treated.
If you don’t think you are worthy of being treated with gentleness and kindness, you shall not be treated so.
In fact, you will abuse yourself before anybody else gets a chance to do so. That’s the anatomy of self-sabotage.
When you don’t give yourself permission to be worthy, to be a fragile gift that needs nurturing and love, then how can anyone bestow that upon you?
Believing comes from inside you. It means you have to let go of the opposite thoughts – I am not worthy, I am worthless – before you can believe the new ones – I am worthy of love. I am worthy of happiness. I am worthy of being treated right.
#3: Treat yourself with love and kindness before others do.
How do you treat yourself? The people that complain about others mistreating them rarely treat themselves right. They are harsh in criticizing their own actions, even if they are doing their best. They judge and punish themselves. They put themselves down in front of everyone. They act small and insignificant. They show no respect or love toward the person they are.
Sometimes, they do this because it may send a message that they are unselfish and care about others. But it sends a totally different message and it’s not attractive at all.
How do you treat yourself, not just with your actions but with your words and thoughts? Could you add more gentleness and compassion? Could you nurture yourself more before you ask that others do it for you? It starts there.
#4: Stop tolerating the family and relatives that abuse you.
We don’t pick our family. We do pick our friends, but we don’t have to tolerate either if we choose not to. And no, it does not make you a bad person.
Yes, I know. Radical. But my life has taught me that kindness is earned not by blood relation but by actions and words.
If you happen to have a terribly abusive aunt, pray tell me why you have to continue to be kind to her? Why do you have to tolerate the way she treats you? Because if you do, then the inner dialogue rings true: “My aunt doesn’t treat me right” because you don’t treat you right by tolerating it.
You can keep the family and relatives and friends that treat you horribly, even after you treat yourself with love and kindness, but then you can’t turn around and expect miracles.
It doesn’t work that way. You have a choice, you can say no, you can walk away from any relationship and if you want to end the way people mistreat you, you need to make a decision here.
#5: Hand pick from only the relationships that are worthy of you.
You can surround yourself only with people that lift you up and return yourkindness and your love. Incidentally, all successful people also happen to do this.
Pick your relationships like you pick your clothes every day. Pick them carefully, make sure they make you look good, that they compliment you and show your beauty and hide your blemishes, if need be. Make sure that your clothes fit you well, and become like your second skin.
Belong in your clothes like you belong in your relationships. And you can do this easily by treating others like you want to be treated. If you get a response in kind, then you are in the right relationship. If not, move on! Find the right ones. They are out there.
#6: Reflect on your own behavior when you feel “mistreated”.
Reflection is very humbling. We would rather blame than take blame. What if we did away with blame altogether, and just looked more in the mirror? What if we decided to look inward next time the word “he mistreats me” came to our mind?
Perhaps you have been the thoughtless one? Perhaps you acted out of anger and resentment? Perhaps your passive-aggressive behavior led to an openly abusive response from your friend or lover?
Is it possible that you are not seeing the way you mistreat others and only seeing the reaction? Like I said, humbling and a lot of “pride swallowing” but it won’t kill you. It will make you better. And happier.
#7: Treat the people in your life with most love, respect and kindness.
Now that you have “pruned” your relationships, and hand-picked those whom you want to surround yourself with, now that you know you are worthy of being treated with kindness and gentleness, now that you have stood up for yourself, and done it not out of anger or resentment but out of a desire for inner peace and joy, you are ready to be a role model.
We learned this as kids: Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Do we?
In fact: Treat people better than you want to be treated. Much much better. Treat them with all the love and respect and kindness. Show this in all your relationships and all your actions. Live it and breathe it.
I feel it’s safe to say that if you follow these 7 steps, people will treat you better than right and want to be around you.
Your turn: Do you agree this is a way to better happier relationships? And if so, do you follow these rules to get the people in your life to treat you right? Tell me your answers in the comments.
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